Increasing behavior

​Caught my kid lying! She started telling one excuse after the next, with more and more lies coming out... I was not happy with her. In the moment I saw myself though...

When I am confronted by my spouse, colleague, friend, or family member with something I've done wrong...a mistake I made. That's my go-to... make excuses.. try to rationalize my behavior, get defensive. I put myself in her shoes...

I then told her calmly, "Look, you feel your heart beating fast? You can feel the pressure that you made a mistake and you want to avoid getting in trouble... You can keep making excuses...I do the same thing when your mom is upset with me, or... you can just simply say "I'm sorry Dad, I'll try to better next time"

I gave her a moment to think about it then she told me she was sorry and she'll do much better next time. We had another heart-to-heart that evening to think of alternatives to her choices. Sometimes it helps to put yourself in your kid's shoes and think...

"What skill can I give my kid at this time? What will help them when this situation arises again?"

​It's all about first increasing the behavior we want to see (telling the truth) then second we can focus on decreasing the behavior that is causing conflict (lying).